I have thought much in recent days of the truth of John Donne's words: "No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee." The nature of our community is such that we all very much feel the deaths of our neighbors. My own across-the-street neighbor, Bert Goodrich, died a couple of weeks ago of cancer. Then there was the unexpected death of Dan Bergen, a vital man of 60, who has contributed so much to the life of our village. This past weekend Maureen Buschatzke, a mother in the prime of life, collapsed in front of her home after returning from cross-country skiing. A few months ago there were the deaths of two local teenagers, one in an auto accident, the other in a shooting accident.

On January 14, The New York Times, contained an obituary for Richard Versalle, 63, a tenor with the Metropolitan Opera. He died on stage during the premiere of "The Makropulos Case." The Times reports, "Mr. Versalle, who, in the opening scene, was singing the role of Vitek, an elderly clerk in a law firm, fell 10 feet from a sliding ladder he had mounted to place a file for a century-old legal case back into its drawer. As he sang the words 'Too bad you can only live so long,' his voice faltered and he fell to the floor..."

All these are reminders of the truth of the Psalmist's words: "Lord, teach us to number our days that we may apply our hearts to wisdom."


©C. David Hess

One of the nice things about sending kids off to college is their sending back all the things they discover out there. Chris John Carter at Oberlin recently e-mailed me "God's Total Quality Management Questionnaire." It is a spoof of the all too prevalent attitude that God is primarily there to meet our felt needs. I believe that Will Willimon is right when he writes that our felt needs are often the result of sin rather than the path to salvation. God's primary goal for us is not to meet our felt needs, but to replace them with the needs He wants us to feel. For example, He would want to replace our hunger for more worldly trinkets with a hunger and thirst after righteousness. For what it's worth here it is:

GOD'S TOTAL QUALITY MANAGEMENT QUESTIONNAIRE

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.

Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1. How did you find out about God?

___ Newspaper
___ Television
___ Word of Mouth
___ Bible
___ Torah
___ Other Book
___ Near Death Experience
___ Other (specify):

2. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.

___ Tarot
___ Horoscope
___ Fortune cookies
___ Self-help books
___ Biorhythms
___ Mantras
___ Insurance policies
___ Lottery
___ Television
___ Ann Landers
___ Sex
___ Alcohol or drugs
___ Other:
___ None3. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)?

a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don't know

4. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):

a. Disasters (flood, famine, earthquake, war)

1 2 3 4 5

b. Miracles (rescues, spontaneous remission of disease, sports upsets)

1 2 3 4 5

5. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach additional sheets if necessary):

Let me warn you! This is a pretty racy column, but it is biblical (have you read the Song of Solomon?).

One of this past year's movies (actually 1992) that I enjoyed most was "Sister Act." (It's now available on video tape). It's about a "loose" woman (played by Whoopi Goldberg) who witnesses a murder. In order to keep her safe until she is able to testify in court, she is disguised as a nun. This "new life" makes both her and her sister nuns very uncomfortable at first. It eventually becomes a transforming and renewing experience for all.

One thing that is transformed is the church music. Whoopi takes over the direction of the sisters' choir. She adapts some popular love songs into anthems of praise for God. ("My Guy" becomes "My God"). The use of romantic imagery to describe the worshipper's relation to God may seem scandalous to some, but I think not.

David H. C. Read has pointed out that the two most powerful instincts in human beings are for religion and sex. He writes: "That may account for the fact that when religion loses its grip on society, sex is apt to take over as the reigning god."

Read tells of seeing the novelist, John Updike, being interviewed on television about one of his books. He was asked how he reconciled the strong religious themes in his novel with its candid treatment of sex. Updike, a confessed Christian and churchgoer, indicated that he saw no discrepancy. He expressed his belief that these two great instincts are not necessarily at war, but that our sense of belonging to God relates to everything profoundly human. On the spur of the moment he put the case flippantly: "People go to church because they want to live forever. They go to bed because they want to feel what it's like."


©C. David Hess