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The "Frantic Family Syndrome"  

11/28/1996

 
I once heard a story of a man who bought some laundry detergent at a local grocery store. He explained to the cashier that he was going to use the soap to give his cat a bath. the cashier advised that laundry soap was not really intended for that use. The man purchased it any way

The next time the man was in the store, the clerk asked him how his cat was. He replied, "She's dead."

The clerk scolded, "I told you that you shouldn't have given her a bath in laundry detergent!"

He responded, "The soap didn't kill her. It was the spin cycle."

So it is with many of us and modern life. The "spin cycle" of our hectic pace is about to kill us. It's hard on families too.

In a recent syndicated newspaper column, John Rosemond, a family psychologist, wrote of the "Frantic Family Syndrome"--the result of parents racing children to and from various extra curricular activities. The reason they do this is so that children can be educated in specific skills (sports, music, etc), He points out to parents "that if their children grow up with lots of different skills, but lack strength of character and family values their skills won't amount to a hill of beans. It's character that makes the difference in life, and character develops courtesy of an apprenticeship in a loving, relaxed family. Unfortunately, too many children these days are growing up in the back seats of their parents' cars, talking to the backs of their parents' heads and eating fast food while on the run from one largely irrelevant activity to another."

Rosemond also pointed out that a recent study revealed that more National Honor Society students reported growing up in families that ate most evening meals together more than any other single variable.

Watch out for that spin cycle!

©1996 C. David Hess

Saved by the Judge  

11/16/1996

 
The attention of much of the world the past couple of weeks has been drawn to a drama in a Massachusetts courtroom. First, a jury found 19-year-old Louise Woodward guilty of second degree murder in the death of 8-month-old Matthew Eappen, a child for whom she was caring. The conviction carried a mandatory life sentence with parole possible after 15 years. Then Judge Hiller Zobel reduced the verdict from murder to involuntary manslaughter and sentenced Woodward to time already served. Zobel indicated that his decision was in the interest of justice. Woodward woke up in jail on Monday morning facing life in prison; at the end of the day she had been set free. She had been saved by the judge.

Much of Christian preaching, including mine, is about being saved from the Judge. Continually we proclaim that Christ came to die on the cross for our sins. There He bore our judgment for us. In Christ, God the Redeemer saved us from God the Judge. Such preaching is valid and true, but there is another stream of truth in scripture--not our being saved from the judgment of God but our being saved by the judgment of God.

Isaiah proclaims: "He will not judge by outward appearances or decide a case on hearsay; but with justice he will judge..." (Isaiah 11:3-4, NEB) Isaiah's point is that human judgment is often superficial and unjust. God's judgment will go beyond the superficial, "outward appearances" and "hearsay." As such His justice will often be less harsh than human judgment.

Scripture also makes the point that God may sometimes judge us less harshly than we do ourselves. John reminds us : "For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart and knows all." (I John 3:20, KJV).

Don't get me wrong! On Judgment Day I, for one, will not appear before God longing most for justice; my strongest desire will be for mercy. Even so, my point is that in regard to some of our deeds, the justice of God is less harsh than the judgment of humanity and even of ourselves. Our hope is not only in God the Redeemer; sometimes it is in God the Judge.

©1997 C. David Hess

Depression   

11/1/1996

 
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I am concerned that depression is getting too bum a rap lately. On the Today show recently, a guest indicated that depression is more a problem than our society has acknowledged, that many more people are seriously depressed than we think. She indicated that there are new and more effective drugs for depression and that more depressed people need to go and see their doctors.

Now I know there is such a thing as serious medical depression, and I know that the use of drugs to treat such conditions is indicated. But I believe the numbers this person was giving were way out of line as regards medical depression. Most depression is not “medical,” and most depression is not a bad thing. Just the opposite. Depression is most often a very healthy thing. Most depressed people are depressed for good reason. Depression usually indicates that something is going wrong in a person’s life. There is a problem with the spouse, or in the family, or with their job. Perhaps they are depressed because they feel their life has no real purpose. Perhaps they are depressed because they are spiritually empty, because they need God. (As Augustine said, “You have made us for Yourself and our heart is restless until it rests in You.”) In this regard, depression is like pain. Nobody likes pain, but pain is a wondrous gift. It indicates that something is wrong with our bodies. How terrible it would be if your body were injured and you never knew it because you could feel no pain. If there were no symptoms, how could the underlying injury or disease be discovered and treated?

Thank God for pain, and thank God for depression. If you are depressed, why? What is there in your life you need to address? Address it! Don’t take a pill!

©C. David Hess



Mr. Holland's Opus   

11/1/1996

 
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I got stranded in Syracuse during last Friday’s tropical rain storm, ice and snow storm, flood, etc. I put the time to good use and went to see the movie, "Mr. Holland’s Opus." It tells the story of an aspiring musical composer, played by Richard Dreyfuss. He had acquired a teaching certificate to have something to fall back on if he did not become immediately successful as a composer. He had to fall back. Early on he admitted that he hated teaching. He confessed that as a teenager he always wanted to be someplace else other than school. He admitted that it never occurred to him that his teachers may have felt the same way. His planned three or four year stint at teaching turned into a lifetime.

He and his wife had one child, a son that was born deaf (a particular tragedy for a father to whom music meant so much).

In spite of all, Mr. Holland becomes an excellent teacher. His students become his "opus," his work, his music. In a climactic scene in the movie (but not the climactic scene), he sings a John Lennon song which contains the words: "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

How true! Life rarely turns out like we envision it. We should not feel it remarkable when this happens. After all, it happened even to God. Creation did not turn out like He planned. This did not cause Him to give up on it (on us). God did everything possible to make the best of a world that was far less than He had hoped—even to the point of giving His Son on a cross. Even for God, life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans.

Hang in there!


©C. David Hess

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